Admit It — You’re Wrong

“Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”

Proverbs 28:13

Okay, we’ve all made mistakes. Sometimes they are minor and sometimes they have a big impact. But either way, we blew it. The question is, why do we have such a hard time admitting when we are wrong? This is not just a professional question, but a personal one as well.

There are good reasons why we don’t admit our mistakes. We might be afraid of being fired or looking stupid, we may feel it is going to hurt our relationship with a friend or loved one, and, in general, we just prefer being right. We are a proud species and humility comes hard.

Still, admitting your error is probably the best way to proceed. I remember in our early days of the office when six of us shared an open space. Someone called the front desk and said some room had been reserved that should not have been. Curt Copeland raised his hand (yep, actually raised his hand), stood up and said “that was me. My mistake.”

In that moment, Curt acknowledged two main things. The first, that he was human (gasp!) and thus could make a mistake. Two, that he could be trusted to take responsibility for his errors and, as a result, could simply be trusted. He was an honest guy fully owning an error he could have hidden from or offered twenty reasons why it was not really his fault.

Much of this came to mind recently when a locally appointed city official tweeted out a picture of himself with a “limp wristed” Che Guevara saying “Socialism is for f*gs.” The “*” is actually a silhouette of a stork. He says the missing vowel should be an “i.” It should read “Socialism is for figs.” Really? What does that even mean? Now he just looks stupid in addition to being homophobic and I doubt anyone is impressed. If he just said “yep, I did that and regret it” we would at least realize he is honest.

Admitting you are wrong can be absolving. Protestants are sometimes a bit confused by the Catholic sacrament of confession, but it is cleansing to go in and admit your sins to someone. However, the priests don’t let you off if your sins involve lying to others about a mistake — they want you to go and tell that person (I hate it when priests are tough!). Admitting a mistake to yourself or a priest is fine, but that is only a first step. Next, you have to do something about it.

This New York Times article gives some good advice on what to do when you say the wrong thing, including those times where you make an inappropriate comment about race or someone’s personal situation.

Another New York Times article called “So You’ve Made a Huge Mistake. What Now?” says that “Our mistakes are rarely as big as we imagine them to be, and everyone else has more important things to do than think about your errors. And while it’s true that some mistakes are more significant than others — realizing you chose the wrong career path or romantic partner, for example — they don’t have to be the world-ending disasters we make them out to be. So let’s all take a deep breath and realize that everything is fine and the world is not going to crumble, then figure out how to get through it. ” This article from Inc.com backs up this thinking.

Still not convinced? Even our faith teaches us to admit our errors and seek forgiveness. “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13) and “If we make it our habit to confess our sins, in his faithful righteousness he forgives us for those sins and cleanses us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9-2:1). I don’t think all of our mistakes qualify as sins, but the teaching is the same — own your mistakes, fix them, and try not to repeat them.